Somewhere to start, whatever you need it for.

Someone to talk to

None of these require a crisis. Most exist precisely for the ordinary questions — the ones that feel too small to bother anyone with, and too big to sit with alone.

Coming out

There is no deadline and no correct order. Plenty of people come out at fourteen, plenty at forty, plenty at seventy, and plenty stay out to some people and not others for the whole of their lives. All of that is a normal way to live.

• You do not owe anyone the information. Being out is not more honest than not being out. It is a decision about your own safety, energy and circumstances, and you are the only person with all the facts.
• Start with the safest person, not the most important one. A friend, a cousin, an anonymous helpline. Saying the sentence out loud once makes the second time easier, and you learn what you actually want to say.
• Think about what you need from the conversation before you have it — reassurance, practical help, or simply to be known. Telling someone what you want from them (“I don't need advice, I just wanted you to know”) prevents a lot of clumsy responses.
• If you depend on someone financially or for housing, weigh that seriously. Waiting until you have your own footing is not cowardice; it is planning. Youth homelessness services below exist because this goes wrong for some people.
• First reactions are often not final reactions. Parents in particular frequently need months, and many end up somewhere completely different from where they started. That is not a promise, but it is common enough to be worth knowing.

Trans and non-binary

Nothing on this page requires you to be certain, to have a diagnosis, to want medical treatment, or to want any of it in the usual order. Questioning is a legitimate place to be, and many people stay there a long time.

Germany: changing your name and gender marker

Since 1 November 2024 the Selbstbestimmungsgesetz (SBGG) has replaced the old Transsexuellengesetz. You change your first names and your legal gender entry by your own declaration at the Standesamt — no medical certificates, no psychological assessment, no court.

• It is two steps. First you register your intention (Anmeldung) at the Standesamt, in writing with your own signature or in person — phone and email do not count. Then, after a three-month waiting period, you make the actual declaration.
• Do not let it lapse. If you do not make the declaration within six months of the waiting period ending, the registration expires and you start again.
• Adults need no counselling. There is no counselling requirement for people over 18. For minors, counselling from a suitable body is required before the declaration.
• Read the guide first.
  sbgg.info
  and the LSVD⁺ Leitfaden Selbstbestimmung walk through the whole procedure, including what to do when a Standesamt gets it wrong.

Germany: the dgti Ergänzungsausweis

While you wait — or if you never want to change your documents at all — the dgti Ergänzungsausweis is a standardised supplementary ID card carrying your actual name, pronouns and gender alongside a current photo. It has no legal force, but it is widely recognised by universities, employers, banks, insurers and public bodies, and it saves an enormous number of humiliating conversations. Apply online through the dgti.

Intersex

Intersex people are frequently folded into LGBTQIA+ resources that do not actually address them. The issues are often different: medical records you were never shown, surgeries performed on you as a child without your consent, and the practical business of getting straight answers decades later.

• Germany:
  Intergeschlechtliche Menschen e.V.
  is the national self-advocacy organisation, with peer counselling and support in obtaining old medical records. Since 2021, German law has prohibited most non-essential surgery on the sex characteristics of children who cannot consent.
• Your records exist. Hospitals in most countries are required to keep them for decades, and you generally have a legal right to a copy. Peer organisations know how to ask, and how to keep asking.
• Internationally:
  interACT
  (US) and
  OII Europe
  collect legal and medical guidance and can point you to peer support in your country.

Parents, partners and family

If someone has just told you they are queer or trans, the useful thing to know is that your first reaction matters less than your tenth. People remember whether you stayed.

Discrimination, abuse and hate crime

You are allowed to report something without being certain it was “bad enough”, and you are allowed to get advice without deciding in advance whether you will do anything about it.

If where you are is not safe

Being queer or trans is still criminalised in around a third of the world's countries, and dangerous in more. If that is your situation, these organisations work on exactly this and are used to being contacted discreetly.

• Rainbow Railroad
  helps LGBTQI+ people facing danger get to safety, through emergency travel support, cash assistance, in-country relocation and government-sponsored resettlement. They take requests for help directly through their site and have assisted tens of thousands of people.
• ILGA World
  publishes the standing global survey of laws affecting LGBTI people, country by country — the reliable place to check the actual legal position somewhere before you travel or move.
• Outright International
  works on LGBTIQ human rights globally and collects guidance on emigration and asylum.
• Already in Germany? The LSVD⁺ project
  Queer Refugees Deutschland
  advises queer refugees and asylum seekers and connects them with local groups, including on how sexual orientation and gender identity are handled in the asylum procedure.
• Before you contact anyone, think about the device you are using and who else can see it. Most of these organisations explain safer ways to reach them.

Sexual health

Free, confidential and — in most places — available without giving your name or involving your family doctor.

• Germany:
  Deutsche Aidshilfe
  runs anonymous counselling and a nationwide directory of local Aidshilfen and checkpoints offering free or cheap testing. The Gesundheitsamt in most cities tests anonymously too. PrEP has been covered by statutory health insurance since 2019.
• UK: sexual health clinics are free and confidential to everyone regardless of immigration status; home testing kits can be ordered online.
  Terrence Higgins Trust
  covers HIV and sexual health advice.
• Living with HIV: undetectable means untransmittable. Effective treatment reduces the virus to a level where it cannot be passed on sexually — a settled scientific finding that a lot of stigma has not caught up with.
• Trans-specific: hormone therapy changes fertility, sometimes quickly and sometimes irreversibly, and it does not reliably prevent pregnancy. Worth a frank conversation with a competent doctor early rather than late.

Community, not just services

Most of what makes life better long-term is not a helpline. It is knowing twenty people who do not require an explanation.

• Local centres. Nearly every city of any size has a queer centre, youth group or café. In Germany, search for “queeres Zentrum”, “Queer-Referat” or “LSBTIQ Jugendgruppe” plus your city. In the US,
  CenterLink
  maps LGBTQ community centres.
• Sport. Queer sports clubs exist in most large cities and are often the easiest social door to walk through, because there is something to do besides talk.
• University. Almost every German university has a Queer-Referat or AStA queer group, and most run a regular open evening.
• Rural and isolated. If nothing exists near you, online groups are a legitimate substitute rather than a lesser one — and many regional organisations run travelling or online meetups precisely for people two hours from the nearest city.
• Older people. Isolation in later life is a real problem, and it has its own services: the US Senior Hotline (1-888-234-7243), and in Germany queer projects for older people run by several LSVD⁺ state associations.